25 Milestones in 25 Years

  • i pood myself.
  • i pood myself.
  • i learned why you shouldn't touch irons.
  • i told the barber that i wanted my hair exactly like the Karate Kid.
  • i discovered ketchup.
  • i discovered chicken mcnuggets.
  • i watched a documentary on parasites that live in fish. i was so traumatized and gave up seafood.
  • i went to the philippines for my first time.
  • i discovered sweet n' sour chicken.
  • i got into my first fist fight. i won...thanks to my tennis racket.
  • i was tricked into watching Ernest Goes to Congress...my first porno.
  • i got rid of the bowl cut.
  • i wore the same shorts for 17 weeks straight because of a bet. i washed them once.
  • i thought pamela anderson / baywatch / slow-motion was the greatest thing on earth.
  • i thought i could eat as much as i wanted and i would never get fat.
  • i learned communal shower etiquette.
  • i had my first surgery (knee) and learned how to not eat solids for a week so i wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment of nurses assisting me when i take a dump.
  • i had my first lapdance. vanessa and shannon.
  • i had a 90 minute orgasm. ooooh maaan, good times!
  • i learned the beauty of naps after lunch.
  • i finally learned to let go.
  • i learned that bad things happen to good people...and that's just life.
  • after a half-hour speech, Chin and Neil convinced me that it's okay to pee in the pool.
  • i learned that if you're always the one that's giving, you'll eventually end up with nothing.
  • i'm just getting started...