You know the moments when you're talking on the phone and you have to spell out something? It could be your name, street name, an internet address or whatever. But the guy on the other line doesn't know what the hell you're talking about and you're forced to literaly spell it out for 'em.

It happens to me a lot. And I have the fucking hardest time spelling out the letters.

Actually, I take that back. It's very easy for me. It's just completely inappropriate when talking to people that don't know me.

The military, instead of using "A-B-C," uses a phonetic alphabet like "alpha, bravo, charlie." This works great for them...but I go by a much different phonetic alphabet.

Here we go, me typing out the first word that comes to mind for each letter:

• A as in ass!
• B as in balls!
• C as in children!
• D as in dick!
• E as in ecstacy!
• F as in fuck!
• G as in girls!
• H as in hoes!
• I as in incest!
• J as in jerk!
• K as in kids!
• L as in loose!
• M as in Melvin! (This one really fucks me up... "My name is Melvin. Spelled M....as in Melvin..." :oh: )
• N as in black people!
• O as in orgasm!
• P as in penis!
• Q as in queer!
• R as in harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! pirate
• S as in secks!
• T as in titties!
• U as in ugly!
• V as in vagina!
• W as in women!
• X as in xstacy!
• Y as in whyyyyyyyyyyy nooooooooooooooooooooooes!
• Z as in....zebra? :dunno:

Okay, okay, I know exactly what you're thinking. There's something not right about this list...

Zebra?!